Through The Looking Glass

As long as I have known my mother's father, I have only seen him 3 or 4 times in my entire life.  My grandma and him have been split ever since before I was born, since before my youngest uncle was born.  But this isn't about the grandpa that I never had, this is about the man that took my grandmothers whole family in as his own and didn't think twice about it.  His name: John Bednar.  His legacy: WWII veteran, POW, and somehow, amazingly gentle man.  He was stationed somewhere in Asia during WWII and lived through the Bataan Death March.  Sure, he isn't the only one, but he is the one that I have known my whole life and is the one that I'm seeing deteriorate day by day.  He is the most loving man that I have ever met.  He has never called me by my name, I was always and will always be Baby Jo to him.  I'm nearing 18 and he still addresses me as Baby Jo.  I will never be grown to him.  He has a lot of history behind his eyes, his once bright blue eyes though, are now a pale gray.  He has only told a few stories to me about his years in the war, its a shame that I havent been able to talk to him more about it so that I could pass all this information down to my children and them to theirs.  Truth is, I was always scared to ask him about any of it, I didn't want to bring up memories that he didn't want to remember.  Now, I wish I would have gotten a little more than what he has voluntarily given me.  I saw him tonight and I really wish he wasn't as old as he is.  My grandma tells me that he hasn't been eating very much and just by looking at him, you can tell.  He's not the once limber old man that he was when I was a child, now he is old and fragile and delusional.  It's strange to me to see him weak and sitting all the time.  The man can barely walk, it's unusual with him being inside instead of at his usual place in the garden, picking tomatoes.  I miss those tomatoes, the man had a seriously green thumb, those tomatoes were huge and juicy, I loved them.  My whole life of holidays and birthdays has been spent with this man in the picture somewhere.  I now realize that there are going to be a lot of lonely holidays without him.  He hasn't passed yet, but he is close to his prime.  I just wish it wasn't this hard on him.  He has suffered enough and now he has to suffer more.  I want him to have peace, but right now, it's trial after trial after trial for him, it takes all the strength he has in his entire body to get out of bed in the mornings when before, it was nothing for him to wake up at 5 in the morning and go a whole day without a break in his routine.  He used to be a phenominal chef, ox tail soup, thanksgiving dinners, all cooked by him.  Now, he can barely pick up a pan.  I don't understand why he has to go through all this.  He has lived an amazing life, he has seen his 7 siblings and both of his parents go before him, he has seen the kids that he raised grow up and their kids grow up, like I said, this man has a lot of history behind him.  As much as it pains me to see him this way, I want him to go and be through with all the pain and suffering.  This man, John Bednar, is my true grandfather, it may not be by blood, but he is in my heart always.